Jay’s Story

Jay’s Story

How do you tell your family you’re severely depressed, how do you openly say you have suicidal ideations and you think about ending it all more than you should. How do you explain to people that you wake up every day unhappy, not hopeful for the day or the future? How do you say that you feel alone with people saying “it’s just a phase, you are overreacting, and you are the one letting this happen to you. Why can’t you be stronger” When it became my tum to order food at a fast food, the cashier said “Miss, I just want to ask are you okay? Because for the past five minutes I have seen you staring into space with so much sadness in face”, I responded with my usual rehearsed smile saying “I’m alright. Thanks everything’s good” but inside I was crying for help.

How many times have I cried out for help to friends in ways they didn’t realise? So many times. I am explicitly telling them check up on me often. why haven’t you checked on me, are you happy, is everything okay with you so they can ask me these questions too because deep inside I know I am not okay but I don’t have the strength to explicitly say I am sinking please help me, I am unhappy, I feel alone, something is wrong I, fighting a battle I know I will win because I am aware I feel empty inside everyday, I am aware I do not feel like myself. I am aware that there is more to life than the state I am in even if it does not seem like it right now. I have that insight but not many people do, not many people are able to realise how severe their battle with depression is or how important it is for them to seek help professionally.

That is why we who play the roles of friends, brothers, sisters, fathers, mothers, sons, daughters and so on need to take lime out to check on ourselves because you do not know what someone else may be straggling with and who may be crying out for help in ways you are failing to see.

One person, just one friend was able see something was wrong and because of that person I am able to say I have a reason to fight to get better.

I hope this helps someone.

Jay.

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